‘The First Temptation of Christ’ Synopsis

“The First Temptation of Christ” from Netflix opens with the Three Wise Men travelling to see the ‘Christ and His Family’ except they are sloven fools chasing a zig zagging star. One is a fornicator trying to bring a whore, another is bringing ham to the family. They all agree that ‘Joseph’ should be living somewhere better than the assumed manger they are going to. We also learn ‘Joseph’ is a shitty carpenter.

I expected the show’s Magi to be showing up for the birth of Jesus but, they were for Christ’s 30th birthday. It is the birthday that marked the start of the real Christ’s mission.

‘God the Father’ shows up before ‘Jesus’ and ruins the surprise party. ‘God the Father’ is a real dipshit bro and underwhelmingly pompus. ‘He’ has it out for Joseph in trying to impress Mary and slights him in several ways. It was a running plot device actually. ‘God is known to ‘Jesus’ as an uncle.

While ‘God the Father’ is making his rounds as the center of attention, ‘Jesus’ walks in. ‘His’ voice is markedly higher than everyone else’s. A boyfriend follows, that boyfriend is almost full on transgender. The two met at an oasis and immediately banged. It was on a 40 day sojourn by the ‘Jesus’ of “The First Temptation of Christ.” During the 40 days, ‘Jesus’ was looking to find himself. He was about to settle on the life of a sodomite juggler.

‘Christ’s’ three parents take ‘Jesus’ aside to set him on his mission. After fighting between ‘Joseph’ and ‘God’ they do. ‘Christ’ likens his mission – as it’s told to him – as a “pyramid scheme.”

Taking little nonsense, ‘God’ throws ‘Christ’ right into it. ‘He’ lops off Joseph’s arm twice to show ‘Jesus’ can now do miracles. The Jesus of “The First Temptation of Christ” is not really impressed though as he can no longer but bang his oasis butt buddy Orlando as ‘God.’

In the scoffer’s world that wrote “The First Temptation of Christ,” ‘Christ’ is nonplussed that he is anybody “Holy” or even “God.” He’d rather just revel in shit. The First Temptation of Christ” is absolutely obscene almost laughably so. I am only ~20 minutes in and do not plan on going the full 48. It is too much.

“Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts,” 2 Peter 3:3


“scoffers, walking after their own lusts,”


The writers have made Christ that in “The First Temptation of Christ.”


Hopefully, the end cometh soon.


“The First Temptation of Christ” is on Netflix in English subtitles for Spanish. No word on how many Jews were involved but a lot of dirty Mexicans played Judeans.

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